Abbott & Costello In the 21st Century

[Originally Posted On June 16th 2004]


If you've enjoyed James Sherman's "Hu's On First", then read this - it's a cyber age spin on the forementioned "Hu's On First" sketch which (Abbott & Costello) has been found all over making its rounds via e-mail, chatrooms, fora, newsgroups, blogs and sites. However, since it deals with quite a lot of techie stuff (therefore with the technologically-challenged in mind), I will be including explanations in brackets whenever necessary to avoid confusion (for those so-mentioned technologically-challenged).

It was featured on the Star newspaper's In.Tech section on the 1st of April 2004, but tried as they might to identify the author, they failed. So if any of you readers out there have an idea, do drop them a line here.

Abbott and Costello In The 21st Century

[We take you now to the Super Duper Computer Store]

Abbott : Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you?

Costello: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den, and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

Abbott : Mac? (Referring to a Macintosh PC).

Costello: No, the name's Lou.

Abbott : Your computer?

Costello: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

Abbott : Mac?

Costello: I told you, my name's Lou !

Abbott : What about Windows? (Referring to, of course, Microsoft Windows).

Costello: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

Abbott : Do you want a computer with Windows?

Costello: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?

Abbott : Wallpaper. (Referring to decorative picture a user can set on the computer screen).

Costello: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

Abbott : Software for Windows?

Costello: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business.What have you got?

Abbott : Office. (Microsoft Office).

Costello: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

Abbott : I just did.

Costello: You just did what?

Abbott : Recommend something.

Costello: You recommended something?

Abbott : Yes.

Costello: For my office?

Abbott : Yes.

Costello: Okay, what did you recommend for my office?

Abbott : Office.

Costello: Yes, for my office!

Abbott : I recommended Office with Windows.

Costello: I already have an office and it has windows! Okay, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

Abbott : Word. (Microsoft Word, part of Microsoft Office).

Costello: What word?

Abbott : Word in Office.

Costello: The only word in "office" is "office".

Abbott : The Word in Office for Windows.

Costello: Which word in office for windows?

Abbott : The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

Costello: I'm going to click your blue W if you don't start with some straight answers. Okay forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?

Abbott : Yes, you want Real One. (A type of movie player software).

Costello: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon.What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!

Abbott : Real One.

Costello: If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4. Can I watch them?

Abbott : Of course.

Costello: Great. With what?

Abbott : Real One.

Costello: Okay, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?

Abbott : You click the blue "1".

Costello: I click the blue one what?

Abbott : The blue "1".

Costello: Is that different from the blue "W"?

Abbott : The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.

Costello: What word?

Abbott : The Word in Office for Windows.

Costello: But there are three words in "office for windows"!

Abbott : No, just one, but it's the most popular word in the world.

Costello: It is?

Abbott : Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other words out there.

Costello: And that word is the real one?

Abbott : Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.

Costello: Stop! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? Do you have anything I can track my money with?

Abbott : Money. (An obvious reference to Microsoft Money).

Costello: That's right. What do you have?

Abbott : Money.

Costello: I need money to track my money?

Abbott : It comes bundled with your computer.

Costello: What's bundled to my computer?

Abbott : Money.

Costello: Money comes with my computer?

Abbott : Yes. No extra charge.

Costello: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

Abbott : One copy.

Costello: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

Abbott : Microsoft gave us a licence to copy Money.

Costello: They can give you a licence to copy money?

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Joke courtesy of In.Tech