Letter of Resignation: Naughty Version

I'm preparing my letter of resignation from the office since I am somewhat unhappy with the management. This is how it would hopefully look like. I'm writing two versions; one naughty, one nice.

For the nice version please look below


Dear Madam,

A very good day to you. It is with my happiest of thoughts that I have to inform you regarding my resignation from the post of Graphic Designer as of the 31st December 2005. In case you are still scratching your head wondering why, I have taken the trouble to list down the reasons below :-

1. You, my dear lady boss and CEO, are one of the most perfect couples I've ever met, complimenting each other on your combined stupidity and support my theory of the Evolution of Idiocy plus the fact that the both of you are truly one of the biggest genetic wastes in the history of Mankind. You rank in the hallways among the most evil individuals in history, alongside people such as Adolf Hitler, Al Capone, Britney Spears (and the few odd Taiwanese gay boybands) and you have an honorable place in the Museum of the Most Stupid Idiots Ever Lived. I for one cannot imagine how you two (especially you, my lady boss) can beat 25 million of your father's other sperms 30-plus years ago.

2. I still cannot understand until this very day how you can actually favor some idiot who claims to have completed his first year at some reputable art & design college majoring in industrial and graphic design and yet knows shit about Adobe PhotoShop or Adobe Illustrator. Regretfully speaking, he brings shame to the term "Graphic Designer" with his child-like mentality of artwork, laziness in figuring out how to solve his own problems at work, atrocious English, his incompetency to use simple things like Google and his inefficiency to grasp the simple theory that resizing small pictures into larger versions will result in messy, jagged edges.

3. I should enlighten and inform you that his other blatant displays of ineptness includes not knowing how to do layouts despite being an art student, not knowing how a PC functions, acts all high and mighty, and complains loudly that his PC is extremely slow, when in fact it is due to him running over a billion Yahoo Messenger chat windows simultaneously. I can safely say by now I have a higher chance of success at training a common ground squirrel to operate Adobe PhotoShop than teaching the above mentioned "Graphic Designer" who happens to be some Datuk's son that you hired who is sitting next to my cubicle how to perform his share of the workload.

4. And before I should forget, I feel it is my duty as a worker to inform my immediate superiors, no matter how high the level of idiocy they display (in this case it's referring to the both of you), that I found the Datuk's son gleefully reading erotic stories online. Personally, I do not think such acts will be viewed upon favorably by any self-respecting employers of any distinguished company.

5. Please do kindly update yourself in matters relating to computers - I really do hate it trying to save you from embarassment every time you attempt to show off how much you "know" regarding technology but end up either misunderstanding the terminologies involved or the various jargons present. For your kind information, to study the General Field of IT does not mean one is 100% well-versed in everything and anything pertaining to computers - this is why we have many branches in the IT sector. I doubt you will ever understand the difference between a spyware and a virus. You are forever doomed to be looked down upon by the others, save for your money which is the only redeeming factor which will buy you the face-saving respect of others.

For this, I must take my leave, and I thank you for the unmeasurable amount of verbal and psychological abuse you've given to me so generously that I feel I need to return the compliments gratefully. Therefore, from this day onwards, you shall exist in my dictionary as "Queen Asshole"; a very special title reserved only for the cream of the crop.

Wishing you and your company the best in all your future endeavorments. I also do hope to see you and your company bankrupt soon (which is inevitable).

Thank you and have a pleasant and productive day ahead.


Yours Sincerely,

JDream Anderson-Smith
GRAPHIC DESIGNER

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