Asshole Auntie & Co. : The Gripping Story
I was driving along the usual Old Klang Road stretch today when the most inane thing happened - I got tailgated and stalked by 3 wrinkled aunties in a puny white Kancil. The whole fracas unfolded after I had passed by the infamous dastardly Intec College traffic light. The stupid driver in front of me was going slow, so I overtook him, taking to my right after a truck. And behind me was none other than Asshole Auntie, piloting her Kancil at Negative 10 KM/PH, so much so that it resulted in a gap of more than 5 meters for me to safely overtake without causing any accidents.
But out of the blue, Asshole Auntie somehow decided that what I just did was dangerous, utterly unjustified, and sort of degraded the whole wide world's assload of similar auntie drivers with super-asshole driving skills. She blew the car horn. Not that it mattered to me though, as I knew I overtook in the most courteous way possible instead of trying to wedge my way in between 2 centimeters' worth of gap.
Glancing back through my rear mirror, I saw Passenger Auntie helping herself to the Kancil's horn, with Backseat Auntie cheering her on, as though that would automatically make me stop my car, get out and kiss her feet while repeatedly begging for forgiveness. That small act of defiance made her smile, so I assumed she got a kick out of it or something like that.
Bitch.
I decided to let matters go, as I wasn't too bothered by those three middle-aged women's childish antics. I thought they'd give it a rest too. I decided to play the good gentleman. But nooo, Asshole Auntie & Co. weren't done pissing me off yet - she deliberately accelerated and catched up alongside me on the right, whereby Passenger Auntie and Backseat Auntie both made jeering signs at me. Not really that obscene but still enough to get on any nice young man's nerves.
That was when I totally lost it. Screw the good manners. Screw the road etiquettes. I returned the "Get-lost-you-asshole" sign, using my fingers creatively before swerving my Kancil to the right lane in the most dangerous manner you could think of. At that point, I had really hoped it'd give Asshole Auntie the fright of her life. And probably if I could add in a dollar or two, I would have loved to see her brake frantically, jamming her feet all the way to the bottom, and then by some luck have her car to flip over and burst into flames instaneously. Even if the flaming ball moment didn't happen, I had a lighter stashed in my car dashboard and I would have been so proud to assist.
Super bitch.
As expected, the desired chain of events didn't materialise, and Asshole Auntie promptly steered her car into Mid-Valley, probably still reeling from the unexpected shock that a nice young gentleman actually had the balls to fight back. Still driving, I mentally hoped she'd get a seizure and keel over soon, preferably in front of a big crowd and no one knows enough CPR to save her ass.
Damn those wrinkled Ah Soh drivers. They should all be herded up and shot.
But out of the blue, Asshole Auntie somehow decided that what I just did was dangerous, utterly unjustified, and sort of degraded the whole wide world's assload of similar auntie drivers with super-asshole driving skills. She blew the car horn. Not that it mattered to me though, as I knew I overtook in the most courteous way possible instead of trying to wedge my way in between 2 centimeters' worth of gap.
Glancing back through my rear mirror, I saw Passenger Auntie helping herself to the Kancil's horn, with Backseat Auntie cheering her on, as though that would automatically make me stop my car, get out and kiss her feet while repeatedly begging for forgiveness. That small act of defiance made her smile, so I assumed she got a kick out of it or something like that.
Bitch.
I decided to let matters go, as I wasn't too bothered by those three middle-aged women's childish antics. I thought they'd give it a rest too. I decided to play the good gentleman. But nooo, Asshole Auntie & Co. weren't done pissing me off yet - she deliberately accelerated and catched up alongside me on the right, whereby Passenger Auntie and Backseat Auntie both made jeering signs at me. Not really that obscene but still enough to get on any nice young man's nerves.
That was when I totally lost it. Screw the good manners. Screw the road etiquettes. I returned the "Get-lost-you-asshole" sign, using my fingers creatively before swerving my Kancil to the right lane in the most dangerous manner you could think of. At that point, I had really hoped it'd give Asshole Auntie the fright of her life. And probably if I could add in a dollar or two, I would have loved to see her brake frantically, jamming her feet all the way to the bottom, and then by some luck have her car to flip over and burst into flames instaneously. Even if the flaming ball moment didn't happen, I had a lighter stashed in my car dashboard and I would have been so proud to assist.
Super bitch.
As expected, the desired chain of events didn't materialise, and Asshole Auntie promptly steered her car into Mid-Valley, probably still reeling from the unexpected shock that a nice young gentleman actually had the balls to fight back. Still driving, I mentally hoped she'd get a seizure and keel over soon, preferably in front of a big crowd and no one knows enough CPR to save her ass.
Damn those wrinkled Ah Soh drivers. They should all be herded up and shot.
Labels: Irritation
JDream ranted at
20:00
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