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Thursday, June 22, 2006

Malaysians In Truth Are A Courteous Lot

Yeah sure, and I'm the next President of the United States of America. Now that you've stopped laughing, perhaps we can look into this courtesy matter seriously. For your information Kuala Lumpur was rated the third rudest city in the world based on a survey conducted by Reader's Digest. Surprising? Hardly. The burning question whether Malaysians really are that rude can be assessed via the following simple Rude ScoreĀ© list :-

1. When someone accidentally elbows you or steps on your shoes (no matter where), they'll always pretend not to have the slightest inkling of what just transpired, instead preferring to either looking away or just be plain nonchalant. Not even a damn word of apology. Worse offenders in this category are those that look back at you with a smirk on their faces, as though they've throughly enjoyed that little shoe-stepping process. I would be glad to jam their shoes up their anus and give them back a kindly, friendly smirk. (Rude Score = 1)

2. You're in a Government-run department and you've been there since 6am, yet no one shows any signs of concern to finish processing your documents so that you can attend to more urgent matters. No. What they do is to come in late, bitch for one hour before attempting to start work, furbish you with wrong information and send you on a wild goose chase. Reprimand them and you'll have just bought yourself a ticket to No-Serviceland. That's Hell in other words. (Rude Score = 2)

3. Upon checking out from a store or shop, you pay for your goods and you expect at least a simple "Thank You", which, judging from all logic should not cost the other person more than 3 calories to mutter. You don't even expect a smile, just a simple thanks. As you've already guessed it, you receive none. You thank the cashier in return because deep down in your heart you know that she has a tough job. However, the rule of thanking someone has to be implemented. Malaysians fail again. (Rude Score = 3)

4. You're on the road driving casually when suddenly a loud-blaring car with ridiculous modifications and fugly stickers comes from nowhere and tailgates you. This is the standard Malaysian way of telling you to move over because he's in a hurry to die. You oblige with his death wish and let him in front of you. No sooner than that when he's in full view of you his right hand pops out of the window and up comes his middle finger, an unpleasant universal sign language that applies to all walks of life. It really pisses you off. The worse thing is you never got the chance to see his car flip over and explode into flames, trapping him inside. I want to roast marshmellows over his piss-ugly charring corpse. (Rude Score = 4)

5. On the other hand, you can also be driving on the same stretch of road but this time you encounter slow drivers. By slow I mean by the time you travel a hundred meters you've already turned 80 and have five grandchildren sitting in the back seat of your car. Your skin is exposed to the sun for so long that you wonder if you've acquired dermal cancer in the process. These breed of motorists just sit in their cars, drive at Negative 20 mph and have this smile on their faces that makes you want to punch them square in the kisser. Things are not looking well for our courtesy chart. (Rude Score = 5)

6. At the Light Rail Transit station, you're patiently waiting for the train to arrive. All around you, like-minded individuals are bunched together, with only a single thing in their mind - get on the train quick and to hell with the others. Such a thinking is not uncommon amongst Malaysians, given the humid climate and the Malayasis Homogenus evolution through this 50 years of independence. Just as the train comes to a halt and the doors slide open, it's a mad rush for survival as every orang-utan and babi hutan in the crowd makes a concerted dash in an attempt to secure a place inside before the door closes and they have to wait for the next train. You are hapless against this human tsunami, and those from inside the train getting out have it the worst; the exit is practically sealed by hordes of orang-utans and wild boars. Sympathetic cries of "Please, don't push!" goes unheeded. The number of shoes crushed in this stampede is known otherwise only to God. Malaysia Boleh !!! (Rude Score = 6)

7. At the bookstore, you're in the midst of selecting a few favourite titles when you suddenly see a young mother with her three dipshit offsprings going through a mountainpile of magazines, tearing them out of their protective plastic covers and handling them like how a gorilla would handle paper in the zoo, despite the clear sign hanging above that no one should take the magazines out of their covers without the assistance of a bookstore personnel. The three Hell-incarnate brats are not much better; they scream and run all over the place, disturbing people in general and pissing off individuals like me. Once the young mum has finished reading them, she just leaves without any intention of buying them in the first place. Worse, the pile of magazines are just left on the nearest accessible table. Her children has also gotten their hands on some, resulting in numerous torn pages etc. This is the general mentality of respect most Malaysians have towards books, just something cheap, worthless and is often seen as knowledge replaceable with a sum of money. No wonder many in this country grow up to be ignorant, straight-As-only academic achiever yet knows crap about common sense. (Rude Score = 7)

8. The number of things in your hand is sheer amazing - you've just finished your shopping and is now on the way to the carpark. To get there one needs to go through a few doors and at least a lift. You reach the first door, and in front of you there is a young teenager in skanky cheapslut clothings going through the door. On any normal day when your hands are unoccupied doors prove no challenge to you. But today trying to push through a glass door proves to be MI:4. So you hope that the teen would at least have some decent manners to keep the door open for a few seconds. The whole act does not even require ten calories to perform. However, the same teen (whether it's a he or she I'll leave it to you) just lets go of the door even as it's obvious you're just behind. Without even a hint of remorse, that skanky teen goes back to SMS-ing and any other thing that defines these kind of shallow individuals with no life. Another point bites the dust. (Rude Score = 8)

9. If you have children, chances are you might have waited at the school compound outside occasionally to wait for your child. Sensible types would not have parked their vehicles directly in front of the gates or at the side of the road which would inconvenienced everyone. But no, somehow or the other something has gone wrong along our line of human evolution and there is this specific breed of parent which would insist on placing their cars jutting out so terribly that half the road is blocked, but in most cases the whole road is blocked. Just due to one malfunctioning brain, cars on both sides are unable to pass by, and the same individual with that prized golden retarded brain would see to it that no one gets to leave or go until his or her own offspring is safely in their car (usually some SUV or Beemer. They just have to show off). These, I believe, are the same kind of people who would gladly tear out magazines from their covers and teach their children to embrace kiasuism. What is just so wrong about parking your car in a designated spot, wait at the gates and then walk with your child to the car? No wonder small kids of this age are piddly-asses. All of them. (Rude Score = 9)

10. Talking on the cellphone loudly and interrupting people around you is certainly not something anyone would like to go through, yet some do that. Perhaps they find it amusing. I think it'll be funnier if somehow by some strange chance you find your same cellphone mysteriously lodged up the crack of your ass. Then there are those which light up in public places, despite the sign prohibiting smoking. Stupid? No. Screwed-up? Nay. Dipshit? Yes. Many do not find it pleasant to suddenly get a whiff of white fag smoke swirling around them and increasing their chances of getting cancer. The worst offenders in this category are those who smoke their fags in air-conditioned areas such as shopping malls and the likes of it. I would really much like to wish you all into the cornfield for this. Sad score tally-up. (Rude Score = 10)

There you have the few given examples above. In truth there are many more points to be debated about Malaysian people's sense of rudeness, but that might take up the whole of Blogger's server space. I kid you not.

Maybe the Government should start printing out posters instead with the words "Kurang Asam Adalah Budaya Kita" and show a few of our own people dressed in traditional culture wear with their middle fingers raised towards the reader.

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