The Dark Truth About Catsup

CATSUP

Do you all know how catsup came to be called catsup and not tomato sauce or extract of tomato or even tomato puree?

That's because it isn't tomatoes that they're using for catsup! To quote, you think that's catsup you're taking with your fries? Instead of tomatoes, the main ingredient used in this world-famous sauce can be found in the first three letters of the word "catsup".

Originally called "catsup", it was later changed to "ketchup" to avoid people being suspicious from where then origins of this nice-tasting sauce came from. Observe that even the word "ketchup" and "catsup" sound oddly the same. But the dark truth is, specially bred felines were raised to give that sauce that "kick" before being shipped to be processed. When they are about 3-4 months old, they are taken away from their mother and kept in solitary confinement and given 3 meals a day, fed only with the best quality feline food and livestock feed.

When they reach about 9-10 months old, they are shipped to the "catsup processing plant" in the thousands to be processed into, well, what else? Great tasting catsup. With no added preservatives. And they don't put in any coloring too.

Not even a drop of coloring.

In there, the "ingredients" are passed through a giant crusher-extractor to extract their great-tasting sauce. Special custom-made crushers are used to fit their body contours to finish them off quickly, efficiently and painlessly yet getting the most juice out of them in one crushing. Pronto. The extracted juice then flows freely and is collected in a giant vat below the crushing machine. There the sauce is heated to 320 Farenheit (about 265 Degrees Celcius) to kill off any potential germs. Next, a mixer stirs the extract and at the same time a bit of vinegar is added to give that soury taste. This catsup puree is stirred well until it becomes thick and saucy. If you wonder why all "tomato catsup" is blood red in color, well I'm sure most of you can guess why.

Wild felines taste slightly different from their domestically-bred cousins. In the open, wild felines, when caught and torturously processed into catsup, taste slightly more sour, since they have higher acidic body content. However, they are processed in the same way as their domesticated counter-parts but in some varieties, a slight dash of vinegar and tabasco sauce is added to make another variety of catsup; the Thai Version.

With its great taste, and its availability all around the world, it's no wonder why catsup is here to stay... as long as the ingredients still remain for the secret to its great finger-licking taste. So if next time you see someone who has lost his/her feline friend under mysterious circumstances, fret not; chances are that feline fren has already gone thru the "catsup-sitation" process, bottled up into a bottle and he/she is already having it with his/her favourite fries or steak. Unknowingly of course.

So go ahead, open up a bottle of catsup today and enjoy it!!! And if you're wondering what the people do with real tomatoes that are cultivated worldwide, well basically they're shipped to factories the world over that produce commercial/industrial/home-based paint and even the common watercolors that you and I use to paint pictures with.