Kill Your Sim: A Day-To-Day Guide To Being Your Own Grim Reaper

This is an old post

Recently replayed "The Sims" again, just for the sake of that nostalgic feeling and also to rebuild my dream house. But after awhile, when the construction was finished, it became a routine, where each day was just not having enuff to eat, not enuff sleep & stuff like that. To make matters worse, the Sims practically don't listen to what I command them to do.

So in the end, there wasn't enuff time for each of them (I'm running 4 individual's lives) like asking them to go swimming, build relationships etc.

But then a small voice began to say something inside my head...

"Kill them... kill them all." the voice seemed to say.

"What? Kill them all? But they're my Sims and I love them." I protested.

"Kill them... kill them all." the voice said again...

"Oh well okay, you're the boss..." And so I did. Kill them all, those useless Sims.

I killed the first Sim man by luring him to the BBQ machine outside the patio. Once there, I paused the game, surrounded him with extra flammable objects; i.e. kitchen cabinets et al, unpaused the game and let him rip. Needless to say, it's not easy to re-construct what you see on Extended Play, but after a few million tries, I finally got my Sim burning bright well into the nite.

Aah, burnt Sim just the way I like it...

Then I got the Sim woman to swim in the pool, along with a few other friends of hers, and as usual, I paused the game, but this time, I got rid of the ladders & after a few hours well into the night, the first irritating guest was ready to meet his Maker. Goodbye, don't forget to write from above...

After an agonising 5-6 Sim hours of swimming non-stop (it seems that Sims do not have upper body strength whatsoever to push themselves out of the water) they all started to drop like flies. There, 4 tombstones neatly arranged side-by-side along the edge of the swimming pool.

Now to get the kids...

I trapped the Sim boy in a wall partition and made him walk endlessly all over to his doom. When he tried to sleep, I woke him up, refusing him the luxury. My, what a sadist I am... (Evil laugh). Eventually, suffering from lack of sleep, hunger seeping in, and having soiled the place all over, he finally went to the great Sim Heaven somewhere in the sky... not wearing clean underwear. (Evil laugh)

Lastly, that Sim girl. I made a point not to let her suffer as much as the boy or the others before, so I decided to try out this trick that my friend supposedly said will work; wait 'til the school bus comes, deny her access to the bus, instead ask her to stand in front of the school bus, and when it moves... well, at least she won't suffer much.

But try as I might, the school bus just did not mow her down. (Why won't you die???), and after many unsuccessful tries, I decided not to let her die without suffering much. By now every nite, she'd go to each and every tombstone to mourn, so I decided to save her the trouble of having to mourn by simply selling each tombstone for a mere $5. I doubt they're worth that much by the way...

Finally I made the final choice of sealing her off in a partition just like the boy, but with a refrigerator for prolonged misery. I set the time to fastest and watched with glee how she'd chow each day into an ever-decreasing supply of food level...

She lasted 7 Sim days straight before deciding to quit the earth.

So that was that, "Kill Your Sim: A day-to-day guide to being your own Grim Reaper" excerpt from Extended Play (May 2003: 26/3/2003)