Pre-Kinabalu Nightmares

You know you're having pre-Kinabalu nightmares when :-

01: YOU DREAM ABOUT FORGETTING TO PACK CRUCIAL ITEMS
The typical nightmare for many to-be travelers. This is basically one of those that involves you arriving at your faraway destination, only to discover that you did not either pack your toothbrush along or forgot to include clean underwear in your overall luggage. You swear you remembered stashing those things inside your haversack and personally re-checked everything before you boarded the plane. And by now you're right smack in the middle of nowhere with not enough time to find a replacement, which means you'll have to endure the rest of the trip missing that crucial item, in this case my warm clothing. What a nightmare, you tell yourself.

02: YOU FIND YOUR TEAM MATES UTTERING EERIE GIBBERISH
You are promised that in order to lighten your load, climbing equipment and gears will only be bought once you reach the town. But soon after arriving you get that nagging feeling it isn't so. Everything that they tell you is total rubbish which makes no sense whatsoever, and it seems to you that they're constantly contradicting themselves with each passing word. The promised hiking boots that is to be bought here turns out to be the opposite, and soon you realize that it's gonna be a climb without the necessary items. Attempts to question your friend regarding the logic of it all only draws devillish laughter from his lips while he smokes a pipe. No supplies. You start to think it's a bloody nightmare.

03: YOUR LEGS ARE ALWAYS HEAVY AND TIRED
Despite the gruelling training you've put yourself through over the months, it seems that your physical body is still badly lagging compared to the rest of your climbing team. One by one they overtake you in the climb to the summit, and it won't be long before there is a gap of more than 100 meters between you and them. Despite trying to catch up, it only worsens things as the gap increases. You call out to them to wait for you, yet no replies come from them. It is as though you were never there in the first place. This is some badass nightmare.

04: YOU NOTICE THAT CLOTHES CHANGE VERY SO OFTEN
First you see good ol' Jack in his red thermal windbreaker. After a few steps slogging up the mountain, you look up to discover that Jack has somehow changed into a yellow and purple sweater. You shrug and continue up the slope. Probably a minute or two has passed since then and you look up once more. This time around, Jack is donning a black puffed-up snowsuit. It IS strange but yet you just can't seem to question the logic behind it. The changing of clothes go on as the ascent continues. It is a nightmare by itself.

05: YOU NEVER REACH THE SUMMIT NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU CLIMB
The mother of all ultimate mountain-climbing nightmares. You stop to catch your breath and estimate the peak to be another half hour away, judging from the distance. After that said half our has passed, you see that you are still nowhere near it, and strangely the distance to the summit still looks roughly the same to you now as it was half an hour before. You throw in another thirty minutes' worth of climbing and the summit is still a good distance away, if not further. By now you start to question if this whole damn thing is a nightmare.

I think I'm starting to go crazy.

Crisis Of The Exposed Valleys

This actually happened to me at work some time back. In case you are wondering, it has got nothing to do with my present office, but occured within the range of the five jobs that I had, so those reading this can kiss their chances of interviewing any of my current colleagues goodbye.


WHAT WILL YOU ACTUALLY DO?
You are at the office sitting snugly inside your cubicle, happily doing your work when suddenly from the corner of your eye you glimpse something - it's the shy but somewhat cute and innocent-looking female colleague of yours, and you tell yourself that you won't mind dating her for once. Innocent girls can be wild vixens. You never know.

You see her standing at the file cupboard, browsing through the said files stacked inside. She chooses one from the list, and starts to pore over the accumulated bills and whatnots. Suddenly without warning, she bends over to place the file onto the table nearby, and being almost 5" 8', it's obvious that she has to bend very, very low.

Did I also mention that of all the days she has to pick that peasant dress to wear today? Those that are somewhat loose near the shoulders so that the gathered sleeves can be pulled down and be worn off-shoulders (my favorite choice of clothes on a gal). And boy you start to see things that you are not supposed to. Let me add that she's quite oblivious to the fact that the shape of her majestic twin peaks are on display for all to see, but technically only me for the moment due to the viewing angle involved.

So now I'm gonna give you a few options to choose from. Pick wisely and not according to the level of how horny you are :-

OPTION 01
You stop staring immediately because you know it's wrong and you're a good boy. After debating to yourself whether or not you should casually stroll over to her and tell her of the free show she's putting on (for you at this point), you do that. But instead of appreciating it, you get slapped in return and she digs her fingernails into your face, all the while screaming "Pervert!". The facial reconstructive surgery sets you back 8000 bucks.

OPTION 02
You stare for awhile, then you debate if you should tell her of the disaster that's about to happen. You fear getting slapped by her, so you decide to leave it be and get back to work. But before that you steal one last look. After all, things like this don't happen everyday.

OPTION 03
You stare for quite a long time, wondering if anything's gonna happen next. You return briefly to work, typing in a few sentences and then you proceed to take out your camera phone, setting it to video mode, zooming it to the desired level and start shooting away. Something great for sleepless nights.


HOW YOU RATE IF YOU PICKED:-
OPTION 01: You meant well, but it just so happens that she thought that you were a pervert, that's all. Better luck next time. And as one of my friend would put it - don't bother. Chances are you'll land in the hospital with deep scratches all over your face than land a date with her.

OPTION 02: It's pretty hard to justify if what you've done is right or wrong. On one hand, you prefer not to stick your nose into her cleavage, I mean err, affairs. But on the other hand you wonder if by not telling her you have brought about an unbalance to the Force by letting those things swing free (no pun intended).

OPTION 03: You are the evillest son of a bitch that has ever lived. You bring disgrace to the menfolk with your horrendous ways. I can think of nothing less than the loveliest of swear words to describe your act. Got any nice shots BTW? I'll give you my e-mail address.